"How can people do this to kids?"
This was my reaction when I learned about an arrangement between a couple who decided to divorce. The kids, aged 7 and 10 are to alternately live with their father and mother at a week each.
Kids are people. They are flesh and blood, not made of rubber like a basketball that u can bounce from one court to another. In between passing, the kids, never know what could hit them, or where and how they are going to land from mid air. It's just too unthinkable for me. It's bad enough that your parents separate. When homes break, either by divorce of by death, there is the risk of a dysfunctional family.
Such an arrangement, though seemingly a fair one for both parents, is cruel to the kids who have to be dribbled from one house to another. It is selfishness on the part of the parents who, wanting to have equal share of the children's time agree to such an arrangement that could result in displacement anxieties.
In displacement anxiety,there is a discontinuity of life's everyday routine. There is no sense of permanence, no root formations, no sense of belonging, no concept of abode.
Children who fall victims to such anxieties tend to be wary of relationships and may harbor doubts of continuity or permanence. The transient nature of their growing up make evey suggetsion of commitment suspect of sincerity.
As such, the law on custody for children of divorcees should be reviewed on the demerits of displacement anxiety.
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
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1 comment:
Equal parenting after divorce is the best possible outcome for children. Having both parents in their lives is far and away the best possible option. The absolute worst is what the courts normally create to deal with displacement anxiety. That is one parent gets it all, normally the mother. The non-custodial parent is relegated to a meaningless relationship with their children if at all. The terrible fact is that courts agree with you but for alterior motives. They simply want parents to have the longest involvement with the divorce industry, thereby transferring the maximum wealth from the parents. The courts always reward dysfunction and punish responsible behaviour. That's the only way they make money. The courts concern for displacement anxiety is all about keeping the parents battling as long as possible. The children growing up without one parent is the greatest contributor to poor academic performance, involvement in crime, teen pregnancies and so many emotional problems. Court ordered sole custody arrangements are at the root of much of today's social decay and the family courts can be blamed for it by their standard practice of never dispensing equality.
This couple's decision can only be made outside the courts and the court parasites are deservedly poorer for it; however, the children will be given the best chance in life. This couple's children are very lucky.
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